Simple

I'm not looking for love,
I've been down that road before
Found no destination.
I've fallen into something that doesn't exist
and the emptiness follows me like a ghost,
like a shadow,
to remind me of all the things I've lost along the way.

Honestly, I find it easy to avoid thinking about you.
It's simple.
If simple means impossible,
then impossible is nothing.

Fingerprints draw broken hearts in the dust that settles on your picture,
torn apart by your urge to find something better out there,
legs chopped off the pedestal I once placed you on
loneliness rages inside me
attempts to singe the remains that have settled in the cracks of my heart.

And to think that love can trump all things,
that's what you said to me, at least.
You saw our hearts dancing eternally to a melody of poetry and a never-ending symphony of laughter and honesty, it would be beautiful music that whets the tongues of critics and observers alike, a marriage of happiness and love.

The record skips.
and suddenly the song is over.

I deserve to fall,
I deserve to feel,
I deserve to know what it's like
to hold onto love like I know I can.
The force that renders us may be strong,
but please let me show you that I can be strong for you, too.


~bk.35~






Currently listening to:
Un-thinkable (I'm Ready) by Alicia Keys

Lost in Love

Before I was graced with the sound of your voice,
I listened to words, yet never truly heard them.
You spoke to me with the sweetest of tones,
swept me off my feet with the breath that trailed each previous word.
Shadowed by the magnificence of your mannerisms which grasped me with this endless sense of beauty that pulled me in deeper and refused to let go.
I lost my sense of all direction;
That maybe there was the slightest possibility I had this same effect on you,
the power to give myself to you,
to surrender myself to you,
to make you realize the magnitude of my love for you,
and the fact that for you, I would have done anything.
Love is patient,
and as each minute passed, I found myself falling deeper and deeper,
forever is not just a word, it's a promise,
my promise to you that I would have waited for you as long as you needed.
The way your eyes and smile coincided when you were overcome with happiness,
the way you smiled when you kissed me was a perfect occurrence that captured me and proved to me that I could have kissed those beautiful lips for the rest of my life.


~bk.35~







Currently listening to:
Little Bit by Lykke Li ft. Drake

Dark Horse

[[12 days...be home soon.]]



I'm drawn to your irregularities
and the fact that I can't read your feelings
This loss of control is no disaster
my heart beats faster.
I can't shake this attraction
my emotions explode with insatiable passion,
your name is the sweetest melody
the song that sweeps me off my feet
trickles chills down my spine,
I tremble.
Crushed.
Burrowed in the abysmal distance
that renders us,
digging for any notion that this love still exists
the sand drips through your fingers
and you pocket the debris.
In one stroke,
I could paint you the sky.
It wouldn't be a masterpiece
but it would be eternal
like the flame in my heart
that rages stronger with time
the flame that burns only for you.


~bk.35~






Currently listening to:
Where I Stood by Missy Higgins

you like me

You said that what we have
it's young love,
and if that's what it is,
I don't want to grow older.
And I know it will hurt
but I'm willing to deal with the pain,
just as long as you are in my arms
at the end of the day.
You say you love my smile
It's like this mouth was made for you.
And I know you aren't hungry for some corny lines
So to you I speak from the heart.
I want to send you a letter every time you cross my mind
...want to fill your mailbox with junk that only makes sense to us
green beans and skunks
overflow your inbox
make sure you don't forget I'm here.
Your voice fills my ears
when I wake up you're all I see
like a flashlight in a dark room you arrest my vision.
And like sight I can't grab you when I want to
but your picture will be my saving grace.
I like you too, you said.
I hold onto those words
just to survive.

~bk.35~






Currently listening to:
Yellow by Coldplay

Copy and Paste

I'm stuck in the place between YOU and I
but I don't know if it's LOVE.
I'm stuck in the moment between
goodnight and each breath I take
waiting for you to kiss me.
The place where it feels like time stops
with each blink,
a shooting star shoots past us,
we don't notice.
I count your eyelashes
'cause our eyes are intertwined
Our fingers are too, dancing beneath us
but neither dare look down.
It's that burning in the back of my knees,
that pounding in my chest,
the throbbing in my stomach;
the words that I can't say because they wouldn't be enough.
If only I could copy this moment
and paste it to your forehead.
when you look in the mirror
your first thought is this;
this happiness, this bliss.
I wish I could kiss you with my thoughts
'cause sometimes my lips are tired
but my ideas are endless.
Like every fantasy I've ever had about love
comes true when I see you.
And when I close my eyes I want to take you with me,
on a journey through my imagination,
so you could know what it feels like
to be surrounded by your atmosphere.
And you could feel my heart beat faster.
I don't know if I'm still making sense,
but the beauty of love is that it's so unclear,
and it gets messy but that's why I'm here,
to clean things up when everything falls apart.
I don't know if it was love at first sight
'cause I'm not even sure if I know what that means
I just know that the sound of your voice
brings me back to the moment when I first laid eyes on you.
And all I wanted to do was be near you,
in your presence,
and listen to you speak,
with every inch of beauty inside you
pouring out when you said my name.
Intoxicated by your breath,
I find myself submerged in the absence of time.
I want to breathe you in,
If your love is a lesson,
you have my full attention.

So here we are.
stuck in the same place as before,
the place where I'm waiting for you to kiss me,
these words I can't accumulate
'cause when I'm with you,
I'm speechless.
I close my eyes
and you pull me closer to you,
fill the voids in my soul,
you enlighten me spiritually with your lips
and your touch numbs me.

With you, I am free.

~bk.35~





Currently listening to:
Simple as It Should Be by Tristan Prettyman

a distant memory

I would fight for you
like it's battle for one last breath.
When I see your face
I feel what I felt the first time I saw you,
and I want to deny it but it's impossible
'cause when you said forever
I believed you
and I still do.
Let me in again
not the way I was before,
This time I want to KNOW you.
When I look into your eyes,
stare deep into you,
I want to see myself in the depths of your soul,
in the back of your head,
I'm the only one on your mind...
I hold on to an idea,
but at night I'm alone,
your arms would be my only resting place,
I want to suffocate in your embrace.

~bk.35~






Currently listening to:
Black Balloon by Goo Goo Dolls

Conditional

**Disclaimer**
This is a work in progress.
Let me know what you think so far.


14 years young with a long life ahead of me,
living each day with a secret weighing heavy,
my shoulders knew the truth,
but my body wasn't the enemy.

Each time I dropped a hint,
you shoved it back in my face.
if you're a dyke, you aren't my daughter,
you don't belong in this place.

This place I called home,
I never knew why,
'cause it's this place I called home,
where I learned how to lie.

I went so far as to tease you,
Got myself a boyfriend just to please you.
You claimed I had an attitude problem,
I was merely afraid of you.

The night I came out was the same night
I was eating Pinkberry in the Vans store
trying on jeans that were loose instead of tight.

I dropped the cup on the floor
when you reached for a bite.

Thus began the fight
that took three years to make right.

Round one,
you went so far as to say,
people wouldn't like me
if they found out I was this way,
that everyone who I considered a friend,
would shun me
when they found out I was gay.

14 years old,
the young me took a backseat
to an innocent girl
who wanted to be loved, respected, accepted,
forced to grow up in a matter of seconds.

If you didn't love me than who would?

You told me to call you
when I grew out of this phase,
you began counting the days,
and every fight ended the same;
with tears in my eyes and your incessant denying:

"if you were gay, you wouldn't be crying".

If the truth shall set you free,
I would've rather been chained.
God made me this way
and for that I'm not ashamed.


There's no "love" in conditional.

~bk.35~






Currently listening to:
Sail Away by David Gray

Pins and Needles

I should be telling you I love you
but the truth is,
I wouldn't mean it.
The way you wrap yourself around me,
your serenity.
How the smallest words I say
mean the most to you,
I wish I meant it,
but the truth is,
I'm lost right now,
and not even love can guide me,
my atmosphere is obscured,
pricked by pins and needles,
anguish permeates the space between us,
you kiss me,
I feel nothing.
I'm not your baby
and I never will be.
A vacant promise is not a promise at all,
I've plucked the strings of your heart,
this guitar is out of tune.
Are you drawn to me or to my misery?
Do you crave my love
or are you trying to fix me?
I was better off before.
I'm not the most beautiful girl you've ever seen.
If I'm crushing you,
then I'm doing my job.
I bet you won't love me now.


~bk.35~





Currently listening to:
Loving You by Paolo Nutini

nine letter word

My insecurities suffocate the words I yearn to release,
the words that give meaning to the pain that I've buried within.

I want you to see me but I can barely see myself,
these walls seal me shut,

I scream LET ME OUT!
but there is no echo.

Only empty wavelengths of sound.

I imagine a world where my mind is free to explore,
to understand what these eyes have seen.

To understand who defines me,
who shatters me,
who leaves me here to suffer unwillingly.

A breath of hollow nothingness,
shadows creep amongst the ghosts that haunt me.

Aching for a combination of letters to help me understand
why I consume myself in the negativity.

Time cannot heal these wounds.

My existence is no longer marked by two hands on a clock,
but by the two hands you used
to tear me apart.

~bk.35~





Currently listening to:
One Sweet Love by Sara Bareilles