Conditional

**Disclaimer**
This is a work in progress.
Let me know what you think so far.


14 years young with a long life ahead of me,
living each day with a secret weighing heavy,
my shoulders knew the truth,
but my body wasn't the enemy.

Each time I dropped a hint,
you shoved it back in my face.
if you're a dyke, you aren't my daughter,
you don't belong in this place.

This place I called home,
I never knew why,
'cause it's this place I called home,
where I learned how to lie.

I went so far as to tease you,
Got myself a boyfriend just to please you.
You claimed I had an attitude problem,
I was merely afraid of you.

The night I came out was the same night
I was eating Pinkberry in the Vans store
trying on jeans that were loose instead of tight.

I dropped the cup on the floor
when you reached for a bite.

Thus began the fight
that took three years to make right.

Round one,
you went so far as to say,
people wouldn't like me
if they found out I was this way,
that everyone who I considered a friend,
would shun me
when they found out I was gay.

14 years old,
the young me took a backseat
to an innocent girl
who wanted to be loved, respected, accepted,
forced to grow up in a matter of seconds.

If you didn't love me than who would?

You told me to call you
when I grew out of this phase,
you began counting the days,
and every fight ended the same;
with tears in my eyes and your incessant denying:

"if you were gay, you wouldn't be crying".

If the truth shall set you free,
I would've rather been chained.
God made me this way
and for that I'm not ashamed.


There's no "love" in conditional.

~bk.35~






Currently listening to:
Sail Away by David Gray